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Surgery site of my disc removal  to form a spinal fusion. |
The last traumatic event was a terrible car wreck on 10/26/2006 which has left me with spinal nerve damage, and multiple herniated discs (3 not yet fixed surgically.) I now have chronic pain 24/7. Pain never gives me a break and gets worse as the day continues each and every day. Simply putting on my makeup or pulling up my pants makes my pain in the neck and back sky rocket from a 5 to 8 in 0.5 seconds. It is a horrible daily life to have to deal with this new pain from the wreck. I did already have fibromyalgia and was diagnosed in 1997 at 30 years old. Fibromyalgia is a chronic pain disorder of all-over body pain. So my life has not been fun to live in many years, but I was able to live a normal life until the wreck. After 19 months of dealing with the horrible nerve pain from the wreck I finally gave in and had spinal surgery for 1 of the 4 herniated spinal discs (2 in neck 2 in the lower back.) I had started losing control of my right hand and was dropping things as well as having a numb hand and fingers. The surgery did help get back control of my hand, but did nothing for my neck pain. I still have another herniated disc in my neck below the first disc removed which I believe now is getting worse from the disc above it being fused. I have legitimate excuses, but they are still excuses. I should want to take care of myself so I will be able to walk and have a normal active life in the future. Yet I can not seem to find the internal desire and want to take care of myself. I have resided the fact that I will never be without pain, but surely my life would improve without this additional weight that I have put on since surgery; my bad habits of not exercising and moving around and watching too much TV; my non social behavior because I hate being around people when I am hurting so bad.
I have always struggled with weight, but in 2004 I started exercising and losing weight and did succeed in being 40+ lbs lighter after 9 months. I was active exercising weekly, riding my bike up to 12 miles on the Silver Commit Trail, walking at the park even on the days I had already worked out. I was feeling good, looking good and see the light at end of a life long weight struggle. I used Atkins systems and it worked well for me. I will be working with the Atkins system again since carbs did prove to be my enemy. So I know I can do it, even with this new pain I can still succeed to some degree even now. I have to believe that!
Addiction has been defined as physical and psychological dependence on psychoactive substances (for example alcohol, tobacco, heroin and other drugs) which cross the blood-brain barrier once ingested, temporarily altering the chemical milieu of the brain.
My addiction is SUGAR, if I could get away with it I would eat only sweets, chocolate, and cookies and would never eat another type of food. I have during this holiday season ate only sweets during the day and no food at all. I am totally satisfied with no food and only treats. It is a horrible addition and one so easy to feed. After all sugar is not against the law or even hard to find. I have the worst eating habits. I eat only a single time during the day and that is usually something unhealthy or not too satisfying like a half bag of croutons. I do not eat breakfast other than coffee, no lunch and whatever I can grab for dinner which could be late in the evening. Most days no protein, vegetables or fruit, yet I love all vegetables, fruits and chicken. I am just lazy, I hurt and cooking for myself seems like too much most every day. I do enjoy cooking, however baking is my favorite. I have plenty of cook books and most are healthy recipes. I need better habits I must learn to enjoy taking care of myself and enjoy cooking for myself. My 2 kids are grown and one is gone. The child at home with me is a vegetarian so my Atkins (mostly animal protein) will be only for myself.
LAZY LAZY LAZY..... I am lazy!!! No more excuses! I can recover from sugar addition and lead a more normal healthy life. I can chose to exercise daily, cook for myself healthy foods, eat at least 3 times a day. These are normal activies most everyone does everyday of their lives with or without kids at home, family, pain or anything else stopping them.
