Ending Day 1 of 365

Well of course the day has been a sugar struggle, so many sugary treats I had been eating hourly-daily since there has been Christmas candy all around. The candy is still around, not as much as a few weeks ago, but enough to harm me, tempt me. I was going to go for the rest of some Hershey ooie-gooy bars I made yesterday for a New Year's Eve dessert; however one of my kids had already eaten the few left at home. THANK goodness! I was going to blow it with the excuse there is always tomorrow. Famous excuse I have used way too often.

Breakfast	2 eggs and turkey bacon slices
Snack	Pepper jack cheese stick
Lunch	8 pcs of pepperoni and small smear of cream cheese on each
Snack
Dinner	collard greens, chicken strips

Chicken strips made low carb: chicken cut into strips, dipped in egg and dredged through a mixture Parmesan cheese, almond meal, flax seed meal, salt, pepper, Italian season, and garlic seasoning. Fried in olive oil and butter. After all I am watching carbs and not fat so this recipe works well. I do not fry often because of the health issues with frying, however it does make the first days dinner nice.

I have had several cups of green tea and a couple cups of Coke Zero to cut the sugar cravings. To remember is take 72 hours to get into fat burning mode, 7 days to stop a sugar craving and 30 days to change a habit. So in a month one day at a time I can change my current sugary habits.

Tomorrow I will set down and device a meal plan for the week with the help of the Atkins website. ATKINS TWO-WEEK MEAL PLAN this site has other free tools that I hope to help with the variety of foods I can eat on the induction period.

I am trying to remember how it felt in 2004 when I originally started Atkins and how it felt when I started seeing and feeling results. How shocked I was when I got on the scales and I had lost weight and did not realize how much. It was a great feeling and time that I really did enjoy. I want that back. As long as I have a variety of good tasting foods I can do this. I love grilling and I just bought a grilling recipe book that I know I could adapt to a low carb life style.

At some point I will add pictures, but I want to make some lead way before I start having horrible photos of the really fat me up, I don't want to start off as a downer with ugly pictures. It is now 8:50 pm so far no exercise for today. Right now my out of town child has filled my exercise room with all her belongings all over the floor, so it is not pleasant for me to go in there. Kind of an excuse, but it does upset me. I will over look it tomorrow and start with some treadmill and a bike ride. I will do at least 50 minutes worth.

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2011

Looking ahead to the future and leaving the past behind

Allowing God to guide and direct my path

The true me, my real path for my life

Giving myself over to the Creator, to the one who made me

Letting go of past failures real or perceived

Each day is a new opportunity to win the race, the race of that day

One day at a time, from one prayer to the next

I will make it when I realize I am not alone and it is not ALL up to me

I play a part in my own story, through Faith and partnership with the Creator

Knowing who I am in Him, I have won….now I need to care for His temple

This life is not all about me, but about whom He made me to be

Once I stop controlling and deciding, but listen and be obedient I will succeed

ALL issues that weigh so heavily on me will resolve

Nothing it too great or hard for the One who created all things

Thank you God for this year and opportunity to grow and learn, another chance

Last Day of 2010, Last Day of Excuses!

I have many health excuses not to exercise, loss weight and take care of myself or even care. They are still just excuses. In fact my health excuses should be a motivator instead of a reason not to do better for myself.   
 

Surgery site of my disc removal

Tatanium plate and 4 screws
to form a spinal fusion.


The last traumatic event was a terrible car wreck on 10/26/2006 which has left me with spinal nerve damage, and multiple herniated discs (3 not yet fixed surgically.) I now have chronic pain 24/7. Pain never gives me a break and gets worse as the day continues each and every day. Simply putting on my makeup or pulling up my pants makes my pain in the neck and back sky rocket from a 5 to 8 in 0.5 seconds. It is a horrible daily life to have to deal with this new pain from the wreck. I did already have fibromyalgia and was diagnosed in 1997 at 30 years old. Fibromyalgia is a chronic pain disorder of all-over body pain. So my life has not been fun to live in many years, but I was able to live a normal life until the wreck. After 19 months of dealing with the horrible nerve pain from the wreck I finally gave in and had spinal surgery for 1 of the 4 herniated spinal discs (2 in neck 2 in the lower back.) I had started losing control of my right hand and was dropping things as well as having a numb hand and fingers. The surgery did help get back control of my hand, but did nothing for my neck pain. I still have another herniated disc in my neck below the first disc removed which I believe now is getting worse from the disc above it being fused. I have legitimate excuses, but they are still excuses. I should want to take care of myself so I will be able to walk and have a normal active life in the future. Yet I can not seem to find the internal desire and want to take care of myself. I have resided the fact that I will never be without pain, but surely my life would improve without this additional weight that I have put on since surgery; my bad habits of not exercising and moving around and watching too much TV; my non social behavior because I hate being around people when I am hurting so bad.


I have always struggled with weight, but in 2004 I started exercising and losing weight and did succeed in being 40+ lbs lighter after 9 months. I was active exercising weekly, riding my bike up to 12 miles on the Silver Commit Trail, walking at the park even on the days I had already worked out. I was feeling good, looking good and see the light at end of a life long weight struggle. I used Atkins systems and it worked well for me. I will be working with the Atkins system again since carbs did prove to be my enemy. So I know I can do it, even with this new pain I can still succeed to some degree even now. I have to believe that!

Addiction has been defined as physical and psychological dependence on psychoactive substances (for example alcohol, tobacco, heroin and other drugs) which cross the blood-brain barrier once ingested, temporarily altering the chemical milieu of the brain.

My addiction is SUGAR, if I could get away with it I would eat only sweets, chocolate, and cookies and would never eat another type of food. I have during this holiday season ate only sweets during the day and no food at all. I am totally satisfied with no food and only treats. It is a horrible addition and one so easy to feed. After all sugar is not against the law or even hard to find. I have the worst eating habits. I eat only a single time during the day and that is usually something unhealthy or not too satisfying like a half bag of croutons. I do not eat breakfast other than coffee, no lunch and whatever I can grab for dinner which could be late in the evening. Most days no protein, vegetables or fruit, yet I love all vegetables, fruits and chicken. I am just lazy, I hurt and cooking for myself seems like too much most every day. I do enjoy cooking, however baking is my favorite. I have plenty of cook books and most are healthy recipes. I need better habits I must learn to enjoy taking care of myself and enjoy cooking for myself. My 2 kids are grown and one is gone. The child at home with me is a vegetarian so my Atkins (mostly animal protein) will be only for myself.

LAZY LAZY LAZY..... I am lazy!!! No more excuses! I can recover from sugar addition and lead a more normal healthy life. I can chose to exercise daily, cook for myself healthy foods, eat at least 3 times a day. These are normal activies most everyone does everyday of their lives with or without kids at home, family, pain or anything else stopping them.

Resolution 2011 #44

Well it is almost the beginning of a new year. Will I be able to improve any part of my broken, unhealthy, fat, unhappy life? After all these years and many of the same old New Years Resolution can I do it, can anyone do it? Does any one stick to anything they say on January 1st, of any year for 3 months, 6 months, a year, for ever? Well at 44 years old, 40lbs over weight, mental detached from the world and all that is in it I am going to give it one more shoot. Here are the things that need to be improved in my life...

1. weight loss 40lbs
2. never smoke again
3. exercise at least 5 days a week
4. strengthen my body (spinal damage/surgery from car wreck)
5. learn to be a good friend
6. find new healthy friendships
7. learn to meditate/relax
8. read a book a month
9. watch less TV

It sounds like a lot for one person to do, but I think many of these things mesh together and one improvement will lead to others.

As I walk through the next 365 days I am going to be honest and upfront on this blog. I am going to tell you everything. What I do and don't do, how I feel about each day. I am going to use Atkins as my meal planner, I have an exercise bike, treadmill and elliptical as well as floor therapy exercise for my back and neck.



We all need Hope!



Each day I am going to share about my childhood abuses and the abuse I inflict upon myself now as an adult (such a bad thoughts, mean attitudes toward others) I am going to bare myself to each of you and I am going to own what I do for 365 days. Will that heal me? Will that enable me to care enough about myself to take care of myself? In the end of this coming year I hope to have a more healthy lifestyle and body as well as a better mental attitude and the ability to wake up each day and be truly happy.

I am looking for encouragement and honesty from everyone. I want to hold up a mirror to myself and see what others see in me.